Thursday, January 26, 2006

listing to one side and the other: episode 2

Meme, meme, meme, meme, meme.* Ugh, I hate that word, it sounds so pretentious. It’s like saying “trope” or “Nabahkov” or “I am a vegan.” But there it is, and here I am participating in one. Because it tickles my fancy. But I’ve given it a twist! I favor bold moves, folks, and so I am hereby officially announcing an Irregularly Repeating Segment at WFTM: Listing To One Side And The Other.© Read the first installment, read this one, and feel free to make suggestions about the next one, which I will probably ignore.

10 Things I Believe Without What The Scientific Community Would Consider To Be Conclusive Evidence:
  1. My car knows when I’m rude to it, and will purposely malfunction in order to exact revenge.
  2. My crooked teeth are endearing.
  3. Morrissey knows it's not pronounced "excet’ra" but makes a conscious aesthetic choice to say it that way.
  4. By the end of this year, I will no longer be working in the insurance industry.
  5. If I get something wrong, as long as I adamantly refuse to admit it, no one will notice.
  6. In the usually-not-so-long run, people get what they deserve. But you probably won’t hear about it when bad things happen to people you hate, so it’s best just to assume they do and get on with your life.
  7. Glasses make me look like a boy.
  8. Being unable to make proper use of one’s native language is an infallible indication of both mental retardation and profound moral corruption.
  9. Someday, Pete Doherty will get off the crack.
  10. Each time you press the crosswalk button, you cause the light to change a fraction of a second sooner.
10 Things I Refuse to Believe Despite a Preponderance of Evidence in Their Favor (Or At Least A Bunch Of People Telling Me They Are True):
  1. Velour pants are tacky.
  2. The “close door” buttons in elevators are connected to some sort of electronic or mechanical device which causes the elevator doors to close when the button is pressed.
  3. The New Pornographers are worth listening to.
  4. Bowling is fun.
  5. Not every Republican is a demon whose veins are filled with pure viscous tar-like evil.
  6. Sometimes it’s too cold for flip-flops.
  7. It’s possible to get up when your alarm clock goes off, rather than lying in bed moaning and feeling persecuted by the beepy thing for an hour and a half every morning.
  8. I might die someday.
  9. I would enjoy Hawaii.
  10. One day my employer will figure out that I spend approximately 70-90% of each working day on the internet.
Bonus! A Thing In Which, In My Experience, A Staggering Number Of Otherwise Rational People Refuse To Believe:

Evolution. People, I don’t care if you have a hard time conceiving of how “we came from salt water” (as one supposedly intelligent person I know scornfully put it). It’s a Scientific Fact.© Deal with it. I am descended from monkeys, you are descended from monkeys, Jesus was descended from monkeys, Jude Law is descended from whore-monkeys, and George W. Bush is descended from monkey poop. The more you know.

*Links to other iterations of this meme are presented for shits and giggles only and do not represent an endorsement of any blogs linked to. Because in most cases the only thing I’ve read on those blogs is their version of this meme. This is probably a total violation of blogging ethics but I’m new here, and also... I don’t care.


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