Wednesday, December 28, 2005

since we're working through this aggression together

Here are ten things that I fucking hate right at this moment:
  1. Christmas
  2. Insurance
  3. When my boss brings his 7-year-old ADD-riffic son to the office
  4. This guy I work with named Michael Jordan, or, hey, do you want to hear my pet name for him? It's Sexual Harassment Man.
  5. Coldplay
  6. Republicans
  7. The cuntly ignorant dicktwatting suckbags at Fox who are cancelling Arrested Development
  8. Being 27
  9. How other people want you to be all involved in their lives and all that crap like that
  10. Insurance again, times 10 hundred million billion
And, okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm coming off as a really negative person, so in a most-likely-doomed-to-failure effort to balance out that list, I offer you a list of ten things I beastly love right at this moment:
  1. Arrested Development. Write a letter, people!
  2. Hedgehogs! Cutetastic!
  3. My sister (Congratulations, little lady)
  4. Henry James
  5. That part in Motorhead's "Sex and Death" where Lemmy says, "Show 'em your guitar!" and then Phil "The Zoomster" Campbell plays a wicked awesome guitar solo. Ah, Lemmy, Lemmy, Lemmerton. 60 years of age and still lumpy as the day he was born.
  6. This video
  7. That my father is possibly marrying a woman named Janet Jackson
  8. Marzipan
  9. That time when that bum with the gigantic fuck-all beard stopped me on the street and told me I was beautiful. Yes! I'll always have that.
  10. And finally: Jude Law! Jude Law! Jude Law! Jude baby, you know you're only man-whoring in a misguided attempt to fill the me-sized emptiness in your life. Judey, Judey, Jude, you know it as well as I do. Why are you fighting this?

All right, I'm better now.


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