this isn't what it looks like

Hello there. This probably looks to you like a blog. But I promise you, it's not. It's another thing entirely, and it just happens to look like a blog. It's a, you know, I mean I'm just using the blog hosting service because I, erm. It's another thing completely, trust me, I am not that kind of a girl.

Oh, okay. So, yes. This sort of is a blog. But only sort of. I mean, I've started a blog, but I haven't, you know, started a blog. You know what I mean. I couldn't very well start a blog after making fun of bloggers every single moment of my life since I first heard the word "weblog," and certainly not after giving my good friend Jesus-kabillion metric fuck-tons of shit a few months ago for starting one. That's all I'm saying. So....

Okay, seriously? I still sort of hate bloggers, but self-hatred is nothing new for me, so I actually don't feel too weird about this. I tried to fight the urge to talk about myself to the internet, but at some point I realized I just couldn't remember what I started fighting for. This is like the time I went around saying how much I hated Charles Bukowski for about a year, until I actually read more than one of his poems, and decided I secretly was in love with him. Of course, then I had to decide whether to keep my love a secret, or to tell everyone what a horse's ass I'd been.

Which is a decision I'm now faced with again, of course. Do I confess to everyone I know that I've given in to navel-gazing in this particularly sick-making way, and prepare to -- well, not actually eat any crow, but at least cleverly hide it in my napkin and feed it to the dog under the table? Or, do I bury my secret shame in the infinitely forgiving flesh of the Internet? Ahh, the internet, like a prostitute, she will keep my secret. Even if everyone I know is visiting the same prostitute. The internet, she's very professional. Ew.

Ah well, the decision can wait. In any case, I hope you imaginary people that live in my computer have enjoyed this, my very first Weblog Posting To The Internet. If you like, you may imagine me humbled and penitent for my sins against the blogging community of which I am now a sheepish part. But I'd prefer that you didn't.