Tuesday, April 25, 2006

titillating tchotchkes

For the viewing pleasure of my fantastic readership, I took some photos this weekend at the scariest little shop in Santa Barbara (also known as Pacific Cove Doodads and Houseplants or something like that, I don't know — it's next to Chaucer's). Boyfriend and I were there on Saturday, and I could not stop freaking out about all the crazy shit they had. The place is a (casually raunchy) 8 year old's fantasy world. There were 50 different varieties of novelty pencil erasers. There were small plastic parachuting ninjas. There were small plastic parachuting aliens. There were keychains with rubber severed fingers on them. There were various figurines, animal and human, presenting their little tushes to the viewer in a very seductive fashion. And, most awesome of all, there was a pineapple plant. I ended up carrying several items around the store looking for a place out of the cashier's sight line to take pictures with my cell phone.

Let's start here:

Flower Arranging Frogs. Also, I don't know if you can read the top sign, but apparently you have to ask the cashier if you want Frog Fixers.

Dino stapler. Which I was totally going to buy until I realized it was broken. Then I was inconsolable. Look at the little tail, isn't it sweet? And just the tiniest bit obscene?

I swear these are positions from the Kama Sutra. Pigs Present Posteriors Provocatively.

Pull n' Learn / Pull n' Pray Jewish Knowledge Pen.

And I saved the best for last: this is a photo, if you can believe it, of an anatomically correct plastic baby, in full-on Britney Spears Giving Birth pose. I regret that I don't have a picture of the anatomical bits. I actually, to my everlasting chagrin, did not realize in the store that these babies even had naughty parts; boyfriend told me after I got home. I just thought the baby presenting in such a suggestive way was reason enough to be scandalized. Anyway, you'll have to use your imaginations. I'm sure that won't be a problem for some of you.

* * *

On the same trip, I also caught a new book-jacket adjective at Chaucer's: pacy. As in "Witty, pacy, and immediately engaging." I'm not linking to the book this describes, because I don't link to chick lit. It's not quite as good as "so foursquare," but we can't all be supermodels, can we?


At 4:20 PM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

Just the other day I was reflecting on the Bad Feeling I get whenever I'm forced to go to Michael's (it has happened), but bags of tiny handcrafted birds are one thing— spine-arching babies with realistic naked bits quite another in magnitude. Thank you for this chilling vision of nightmarish Americana.


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