one-liners: flavor: depression with juvenility swirl

All right, so, I will start by admitting, all confessional-like, that a few minutes ago I started to fill out a MySpace survey, out of a desperate longing for human contact (yeah, I am jonesing hard for the human touch at the moment, but can only really handle it one-sided and through the sanitizing medium of the internet) — but then I realized, hey! There is an option that will make me hate myself less when I'm done! Probably! So here you go, folks.

• I’ve been incredibly depressed all day. So depressed that I’ve decided to listen to The Gothic Archies in the hope that silly, theatricalized despair will cheer me up. This is probably a terrible idea which will end with me curled up in the corner like a goddamned pill bug.
  
• But: I love this White Ninja even more than I love tater tots. And if you don't think that is a lot, then y'all, we should have a coffee sometime and get to know each other.
  
• Here are some instructions on how to turn the tables on that vagina dentata, boys.
  
• This video, I don’t even know, it’s just so distressing, but it’s also giggle-inducing, so it makes it onto the list today.
  
• Likewise.
  
• Stephen Colbert says that this is the most poetic thing he's ever heard.
• Ha! You probably thought that last item marked the beginning of a shift in the tone of this list, but it didn't. No, no, it most certainly didn't.
• To wit.
• Here's an announcement about me: I have made myself a solemn promise that from here on out, I will be more Flashdance in my daily life. Because it’s good to have goals, and this is one I feel like I might just be able to meet.
• Oh look, it's another kitty with supertoes.
• Pop quiz! Yay! What Morrissey/Smiths lyric would you most like to have on a t-shirt? Mine is "If you ever need self-validation / Just meet me in the alley by the railway station."
• Sloth vs. Anteater: Samurai.
• And this I just think is incredibly cool. I wish I could read Russian so that I could figure out where this is. And go live there.
• So how much do you know about how to prevent sexual abuse and abduction? Oooh, a lot. Like don't call it a "virginia," call it a "vagina."
  
• This video, if you can just clench your teeth and power through the cringing, is I swear to god the sweetest thing you've ever, ever seen in your life. It pretty much made me cry like a baby. It's possible that was just the depression, though, because an exhibit at the Natural History Museum consisting entirely of tiny lights meant to represent stars also made me cry today.
• Aaaaand I just realized I've had Nutella all over my face for the past three hours. Yeah, that's about right.
• So, so. Okay. I'm ending with a nice thing: