Tuesday, August 08, 2006

in which i engage in a gendered activity, and then talk a little bit about underpants

I'm having a problem. By Christmas shopping time this year, I will be broke ass. That is my problem. In a nutshell. But I recently came up with a brilliant solution to this problem: I will make things for people, because I can totally get away with spending two dollars on a piece of crap from the drugstore if I act like I put effort into personalizing it. Right? Right. So I'm teaching myself to embroider, because it seems like the easiest possible thing, even if it does involve a needle and thread and therefore smell a little too much like Traditional Gender Role for my perfect comfort. I will simply have to remain vigilant against the temptation to embroider things with flowers, or wedding dresses, or the phrase "I'm too pretty to do math" — you know, whatever it is the girls are into these days.

Anyway, so, in hot pursuit of what I am already beginning to suspect will turn out to be the chimera of cheap and lazy Christmas gift procurement, last night I embroidered my first embroidery ever. Would you like to hear about it? Yes, yes you would. Here it is: I embroidered a muted postal horn onto a pair of pink thong underwear. (And, hey, speaking of underwear, I just barely discovered that I put mine on inside-out this morning. That's endearing, right?)

Moving away (sort of) from the topic of underwear: if any of you would like to request a specific item with specific embroidery, please do so now. In fact, if you don't ask me for something specific, you're likely to get a leotard from American Apparel with some random Morrissey lyrics stitched onto it. Because that's my idea of a joke. And also of the perfect Christmas gift.

10 Comments:

At 7:58 PM PDT, Anonymous shosh said...

"I'm too pretty to do math." Awwww... You were thinking of me just then, weren't you?

And I will be severely disappointed if I do NOT receive said Moz-tard. I would totally wear it to 80s night.

 
At 8:08 PM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

Moztard. Such a total Moztard.

I forget the name of our Morrissey gang.

 
At 11:37 PM PDT, Blogger piehat said...

Well, I was thinking of those offensive t-shirts from Abercrombie or wherever. But yes, the slogan is in fact incorrect; even pretty girls have to do math sometimes. Tragically. It's because some of them are too smart not to do math.

Would a moztard be someone who doesn't get Morrissey? Or someone who gets nothing but Morrissey?

Did our Morrissey gang have a name? I just remember we all agreed that we wanted satin jackets but then we couldn't come up with a color for the satin jackets. And then we gave up and mooned for a while.

 
At 1:06 AM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

A moztard would get nothing but Morrissey. It's a form of autism, I believe.

Maybe we didn't have a name. No name, no satin jackets.

Sigh.

 
At 10:43 AM PDT, Blogger piehat said...

A very low-functioning form of autism, indeed. I almost made the autism joke too, but then I realized it's incorrect to conflate autism with mental retardation. But I think we're fine as long as we say that "moztard" is an offensive term for the condition. Then it's ironic.

The Sweet & Tender Hooligans is too obvious, isn't it?

 
At 12:14 PM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

Obvious, yet lovely. And it would look nice on a . . . on a . . . satin jacket of some color.

 
At 1:35 PM PDT, Anonymous shosh said...

Charcoal grey with blood red lettering. It's the most emo I can imagine.

 
At 2:35 PM PDT, Blogger piehat said...

Oh Shosh, please tell me you did not just call Morrissey emo.

 
At 3:45 PM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

Ooh, s'gonna be a bloodbath here.

 
At 8:18 PM PDT, Anonymous shosh said...

I did not. But the jackets truly are.

 

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