bullet points with a fist punch

• Today I bought these because I'm starting to get awfully nervous about this. One day, one day I'll be a grown-up.
  
• Question: How is it possible that Angelina Jolie's nipples are visible through her wetsuit? Answer: They are made out of diamonds. (Cf. Pynchon, Thomas, V.) You don't believe me? She just punched a fucking shark in the face in this movie. You do not even want to know what her balls are made of.*
• Big news: there is a special new birth control pill out now and it is called "YAZ." I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors, but.
• Ha ha ha ha ha sigh.
• I must give propers to Ginger (you may know him by another name which starts with the letter M and isn't as clever) for inventing the word "decockitation" on Friday night. And he was drunk, too. Boyfriend countered with "penisectomy," which is also excellent, but it turns out he didn't invent that one, so I can only give him half-credit. This is a conversation, by the way, that I didn't remember having until it was described to me this morning. In fact, I still have no idea why we were talking about castration. I didn't think I was that drunk, but ain't that always the way.
• This cat (warning MySpace aaah!) has something to say to you. That something is "deedle deedle deedle."
• As far as I'm aware, none of you have yet begun work on your rat-tails. You get one more warning, and then I'm going to start cutting off bits of my own hair, braiding them, and super-gluing them to the backs of your heads when you're not looking. That goes for all of you. Even the girl(s). I am as serious as a heart attack. Well, okay, maybe I'm only as serious as the mumps, but you still don't want those.
  
• And now good night, moons. I will leave you with a quote from Deadwood's Calamity Jane. Don't take it personally: "Fuck yourself with a fist punch, up the ass, today, at the present moment!"
  

*It's adamantium. 12341234 rock facts rock facts!