the most banal announcement ever announcerated

I am now officially a Person Who Eats Leftovers. I expect this will last about a week. You know, until the novelty wears off.

ipod game redux

It's that time again I guess.


How does the world see you?
The Smiths, "Ask"

Will I have a happy life?
Lightnin' Hopkins, "You're Gonna Miss Me"

What do my friends really think of me?
Eels - "Cancer for the Cure"

Do people secretly lust after me?
Cocteau Twins, "Cico Buff"

How can I make myself happy?
Pulp, "Razzmatazz"

What should I do with my life?
The Mountain Goats, "Fall of the Star High School Running Back"

Will I ever have children?
The Cure, "Why Can't I Be You?"

What is some good advice for me?
Elastica, "See That Animal"

How will I be remembered?
The White Stripes, "Same Boy You've Always Known"
["If there's anything good about me, I'm the only one who knows." And fuck you too, Great Ipod Spirit.]

What is my signature dancing song?
The Fall, "Touch Sensitive"

What do I think my current theme song is?
The Clash, "The Sound of the Sinners"

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Ambulance LTD, "Young Urban"

What song will play at my funeral?
Duran Duran, "Ordinary World"

What type of men do I like?
The Joggers, "Wicked Light Sleeper"

What is my day going to be like?
Spoon, "Primary"

fuuuuu...uuuuuck

The internets are trying to kill me with cuteness right now. I'm serious. Check this out:

(Via, where else, justalittleguy.)

And here's another video from the same sloth-rearing facility (or something):

That sloth is all, "Woman, you can be as coy as you want, but look at me. I'm the motherfucking embodiment of the inexorable, and I am coming to give you a hug."

cutest thing ever this week

UPDATE: Oh no, I lied! I lied so hard! This puppy makeout session is so much cuter! Stupid tiger, who even cares about you.

wacky dreams

I’m working on a movie set in a shiny, brand-new city somewhere in Eastern Europe. The entire cast and crew – hundreds of people – are at an enormous rooftop bar/restaurant, partying hearty. There’s a open shaft on one side of the roof which reaches all the way to the bottom of the building, and there’s a trampoline at the bottom of it. A guy starts jumping on the trampoline, and his leaps take him all the way up to rooftop level, where some of us stand idly watching him. After a moment, a rather frumpy woman walks over to the shaft. She reaches her hand over to touch the top of the guy's head as he hits the apex of each leap. She moves her hand across his head in practiced motions. Apparently she can cause his limbs to move in specific ways by making these motions; but he can only stay aloft for a few seconds, so she can’t do much with him. Then another man (a creepy little fuck) asks if he can try jumping, and everyone gets excited. They seem to expect big things from this guy and his trampolining. In fact, it turns out that he can pretty much just levitate at the top of the shaft, thereby allowing for far greater time spent as a human marionette. This naturally goes over pretty well with the crowd.

(I’m pretty sure this whole Eastern-European-movie-set-with-creepy-little-dude thing happened because I’ve been listening heavily to the band Clinic, which sounds exactly as if Peter Lorre has come back from the dead and put together a goth band. Highly recommended.)

Later...

Shosh is involved with some Catholic death cult, the members of which are going to hang themselves with elaborate contraptions on a specific date. (Each person’s hangin' apparatus is different, but they all involve the squeezing of the neck with rope, and dying. We anticipate decapitation in some instances.) I have no interest in the religion part, but I’m kind of depressed, so I join up anyway. You know, just for the suicide. We’re all living in a little room together, sleeping on cots, waiting for zero hour. I start to get scared. I go into the bathroom and have a think. I come out and announce that while I have respect for everyone else’s personal convictions, I don’t really seem to share them and I definitely don’t want to kill myself. Everyone immediately says, “Oh, well, yeah, I don’t want to kill myself either, so let’s not do that bit.”

* * *
Here’s another disturbing thing, this time one that my subconscious (unconscious? fuck you anyway, Freud) didn’t invent: Some Russians found this crazy fish that made human noises "and was rotating its eyeballs." They ate it, of course.

Also, would someone please explain to me again why I missed Morrissey taking off his shirt this weekend.

lordy lordy

Spanking Cats is the new Talking Cats (which in its turn was once the new Kittens Falling Asleep).

Today was the Puppy Bowl. I missed most of it, but watched a little for form's sake. All I have to say is, it seemed very unfair to the dachshund puppy to put her in there with the viszla, who was very much bigger, and awfully gung ho.

By the way, I still get at least one hit on last year's liveblogging stunt every single day. And today this person sent some more traffic my way. Yes yes, I freely admit that spending three hours of my life blogging about puppies playing with each other was a violently ridiculous thing to do. But I've said it before and I'll say it again — it was a BOLD MOVE, and I regret it not one whit, even if it has made me the laughingstock of the internet.