Wednesday, May 17, 2006

one-liners: hey little sister edition

  • I didn't go to Maryland. I stayed here instead. It's a long story, so to save time you should just be happy for me.
  • Also, I'm on steroids right now. It's another long story, related to the last one. Your emotional response to this news is unimportant to me. I am just giving you a heads up that if you notice any testiclular shrinkage for the next few days, this is why.
  • Now to the fun stuff.
  • Anyone want to go kick the Christian Science Reading Room with me? That counts, right?
  • I cannot explain why I think this is so rad. I suspect the fact that I think this is fucking rad might mean I'm not as cultured a person as I'd like to think I am.
  • I can explain why I think this is rad, but you already get it, so I won't bother.
  • I have nothing to say about this, but I think you should all be subjected to it. A psychotic break loves company.
  • You know you're scared of Peeps too. Do not front.
  • These kittens are named Lemmy and Iggy. Holy crap! How fierce is Lemmy, am I right?
  • Okay, another Overheard. Idler, don't say I never gave you anything. Third one down. Possibly an even better pet name than "Lemmy."
  • This is making me paranoid. Could someone please reassure me that I'm not shaped like a thumb? Right now?
  • I'm going to go ahead and call it: this is the best webcomic ever made.
  • Ahem.
  • I've got to work up to this last one, bear with me.
  • Hem. Huh-huh-huh. Ahhhh-hem. Okay, here goes.
  • Last night, my little sister called to tell me that she voluntarily got herself knocked up about six and a half months ago. In case you're unfamiliar with how the process works in humans, the fact that she got pregnant six and a half months ago means that there are only three (3) months left to go before some kind of event occurs and a baby appears. She hasn't told our parents yet, and is only planning on telling them now because she's attending our brother's wedding on Saturday, and it will be obvious when they see her. In point of fact, I firmly believe that if my sister didn't have to attend a public event in one of her siblings' honor while visibly enceinte, she would have this child secretly, raise it secretly, and never, ever tell my parents that she made a baby. Which, you know, isn't something I would condemn out of hand. It's a boy, by the way.


At 4:53 PM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

Visibly enceinte! Great with child! Preggers! Did I retroactively make her pregnant by asking if she was yet?

The kid's name will be Dibley. That's my next prediction made holy truth. Dibley Jazzercise maybe, but he can never be allowed to go by D.J.

Emoticon is also a boy's name. A boy Transformer's name, but a boy's name nonetheless.

Emoticon Dillinger Spanish-Name.

At 5:02 PM PDT, Anonymous shosh said...

I shall have a thumb-shaped kitten and name it Emoticon. He shall transform into a Peep when stealth is required.

Jesus fuck I need some sleep.

At 5:28 PM PDT, Blogger idler king said...

Goddamn, how did I miss saying, "Shotgun!"?

I need some sleep, too.

At 11:01 AM PDT, Blogger piehat said...

She had the white wedding before she started growing the baby, so the title was a stretch anyway. Still, it was an opportunity, and I seized it.

Yes, Idler, you impregnated my baby sister! With the force of your mind! Now I am pretty sure I have to fight you!

Emoticon Tenterhook Vasquez. That's my contribution. Their last name isn't Vasquez, that's another middle name. Pronounced "Vass-kwez."

Aww, a thumb-shaped kitten! Like this one?

Hope you both got some sleep.


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