one-liners: thriller, thriller night

• ~~~~Self-indulgence spoiler~~~~ Ah, me, alas. I miss two weeks ago, when my mind was clear, I could understand poetry, and I felt happy and smart and funny and pretty. What is the deal with that going away.
• Ladies and gentlement, I present to you Banana Nutrament. Read the ingredients list if you like-a to barf.
• I love lamp! No, I love The Office! Have I said that before?
• I'm not even sure whether this (typescript here) is particularly interesting, though it must be pretty fucking exciting for the student who found it. I like how the article specifies that it's a 14-line sonnet. Also: "It was notable that a woman who suffered dramatic depression and marital difficulties had examined the concept of boredom as a college student." Uh, really? How so?
• Someone needs to teach me how to make the Pauly Shore weasel noise.
• Bam-a-lam. I am so getting "Fun Betty." You think I'm joking, but I'm not.
• My pre-1800 English Lit professor has in the past informed us that he loves Francis Bacon like a son. Today he told us that Francis Bacon was "obnoxious, conceited, and probably a pedophile," because "you know, he collected little boys." Then he told us that Bacon died of stuffing ice into a chicken. Then he told us that Bacon suffered from a stomach ailment, his remedy for which was to rest a litter of newborn puppies on his stomach every night. Also, Bacon invented the pistol silencer and the microwave oven, thought in axioms, was heavy into food preservation, and wrote bad poetry. I'm... well, no, I have nothing at all to add to that.
• You must watch this right now. I'm not telling you what it is beforehand. Just do it, okay? For me?
• I had a hankering to watch more talking cats, but YouTube, for the very first time ever, was a grave disappointment to me. Still, these two are kind of funny. The second one I'm pretty sure is talking in Japanese.