one-liners: it's been a while

• Remember that episode of Fishing With John where the narrator was all like, "This dude has a wooden leg... and a real foot"? Sigh. Wouldn't it have been funnier if I had built up to that a little bit? Well, I'm sorry, I couldn't, because the internet can't remind me of who the dude was with the wooden leg and real foot, or who the guest fisher in that episode was (Dennis Hopper maybe?), or where they were, or what was going on at all. What the internet can do is tell me that that's a Steven Wright joke. Here are some more Steven Wright jokes. Some of them can get to be pretty funny.
• Me too, Able.
• As you do.
• I love this: copy and paste some text, and this site will tell you whether it is more likely to have been written by a man or a woman. For the record, every sample of my own that I've plugged in comes out as masculine. Like, wicked masculine, bra. Wut-oh.
• I know this fruit is hanging seriously low, but come the fuck on. "I don't have any hard ideas on why I feel so strongly that I am in a very vital way a dire wolf."
• I love The Danielson Famile. Listen here. Deedle deedle deedle.
  
• Hey, that was nice. I mean, I enjoyed saying something nice, you know? It's nice to be nice, isn't it? How long do you think I can keep it up? Let's see, what else do I love. Baby echidnas. Poetry. Beer. Soybeans with lemon juice and salt. These pants. Crap! That last one was insincere and snarky, which is definitely not nice. Baaad Piehat. You get a spanking, but we'll hold off until you buy those pants, because they seem like they would make a totally excellent noise.
• One final note: people, earlier today I noticed a typo in an old entry here. It's fixed now, and no damage appears to have been done, so hopefully we can just forget that it ever happened. But I am very disappointed in you all for letting something like that go on for so long. Please do better next time.